Will I Be Fit for a Foam 5k?

"The more you push yourself, the harder you go, the further you excel, the closer you are to your own success. There's no easy way out!" -Unknown

I get emails all the time from Active.com informing me of local running events in my area and I saw this one, saw that there's mud and foam and decided I definitely have to do it. It's two months away, there's lots of obstacle courses (and mud) and it's not necessarily a race, so I could do it, right? Right.

I managed to get through a week of school and still go to the gym. Although the first week of school is usually the easiest, once I anticipated the next 7 weeks of summer classes, I regretfully decided to drop one of them. Education is important, but I felt like I was already suffering during the day after staying up until 1am trying to finish my homework and then going to work early the next day, forcing me to take preworkout supplements EVERY day instead of just when I really need it. So one class and I can stay on track.

I'm pretty proud of myself for my weekend success to, as I didn't count the whole weekend as a cheat day. I didn't really eat much, actually. Too busy.

Weekend Breakfast Pita Pocket

I always wanted to make one of those food prep photo grid things, so there you have it. Why, when you eat bell peppers do you taste them for the rest of the day?



Brother, Moi, Dad

 This picture was taken yesterday at my dad's Father's Day dinner. I took this picture with my phone of the screen on my mom's camera. If I didn't do this, I might never see this photo again. That would be terrible..because I like it. Just from eating better and staying consistent at the gym, I feel better, and that might be changing my perception of myself. Does that make sense? Either way, something is working. Slowly, but surely.

"Wake up, Mom!"

I like sleeping in on weekends, but sometimes the dogs have a different agenda. Especially when they decide to start wrestling on top of me as if I'm just a lumpy extension of the bed.

The Heart of the Matter

 "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes I find myself in a situation that sets me back. I get myself too involved in something (or someone) that's counterproductive to my goals and I use that as an excuse to fall off the wagon. Or sometimes, it's not even an excuse, but a matter of happiness or misery if I don't voluntarily jump off the wagon.

So here I am, having jumped off the wagon and trying to put back together the pieces of my broken spirit. It's hard. I don't really use food as a comfort but I do use the blues as an excuse to not have any motivation.

The gym used to be my daily "church." I loved going. I hated going out to dinner, even for my own birthday, because I felt an emptiness when I wasn't able to work out HARD. It wasn't an obsession. I didn't feel like I had to go. I just wanted to SO BAD. It made me feel amazing, no matter how terrible a day I was having. But when I started to become miserable with my life, whether it was my job or my relationship or whatever, that's when working out became a chore.

For now, I am forcing myself to eat right and go to the gym. I drag my feet out the door at the last minute and I find myself half-assing my workout anyway. This is causing the scale not to move. But I'm determined to get passed this. I guess that should have been my first reachable goal.

• To WANT to be healthy - This includes going to the gym, eating right, being motivated, making good choices, etc. etc.

This entry has taken me over a week to write, but I've had a few eye openers lately that have hopefully pushed me closer to where I want to be. First, I went to Disneyland with my family and you know those pictures they take of you making awkward faces in weird places on rides? Well...I look like a WHALE. Even in normal pictures my sister in law took of my trying on Minnie ears I look HUGE!

This is unacceptable.

Dear God!!!

So there's that.

I went out for a girls night in a short dress on Friday and I felt good...until I found a fill length mirror and noticed that my already short, stumpy legs looked like plump corndogs or something. I'm sure I'm harder on myself and I don't look as terrible to other people as I do to myself, but these are things I need to fix. No matter how vain. It's for my health too. I want that confidence. Damnit.

Thank goodness for angles.

Until next time...