You know what chaps my ass?

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The greatest way to succeed is always to try just one more time." -Thomas Edison

Hi...

Obviously 2013 wasn't my year. I didn't take my fitness goals seriously enough. While I made sure not to go all out on the eating and skipping of the gym, I didn't do well enough and that's why my weight is the same if not five pounds over. Had I just stuck with the plan when I started this stupid blog I'd probably 40lbs lighter and majorly sexified. But damnit, THIS time will FOR SURE be different. I have some things that may motivate me more this time around.



I love doing work?

First and foremost...I'M GOING TO LONDON!!!

I said.... I'M GOING TO LONDON!!!! And I do not want to be fat while I'm there because I'm fixin' to meet a sweet English prince and never return.

I booked this trip on a weekend when I was searching for flight prices and saw that a round-trip, non-stop flight would cost me less than $900! Without having the time to drag anyone along with me, I booked it for a date as far out as I possibly can. I only have the plane tickets, no passport, no reserved hotel rooms, I am playing it by ear and I'm really excited about that! I've never been out of the country before, though, much less by myself, so I'm also terrified! Which is another reason I need to get in shape: To outrun organ harvesters. I don't what kind of crazy shenanigans go on over there.

We started our third round of "The Biggest Loser" at work and I talk so much garbage that this time I'm determined to back it up. I've been very discplined on staying active and eating well, (though I still find it hard to resist the mass amounts of birthday cake that comes through this place in January) and making sure I keep a caloric deficit whether that requires me to spend extra time at the gym or whatever. And thanks to My Fitness Pal, I can track it all easily! I started at 187 lbs. Updates TBA...but I'm gonna win!!!!!!!

On February 1st I am doing a Color Run 5k. I have a love/hate relationship with running. I want to be good at it, but I just hate it way too much to be consistent about it. I'm trying to train a little bit here and there to be able to go at least a mile without stopping and not feeling like I'm going to die.

I've also developed a love/hate for hiking. It burns so bad but I love being up in the mountains, and the feeling you get when you make it to the top is amazing. For awhile the mountain was covered in snow and I'm not a big fan of slipping and falling on my ass, but right now the weather is in the high 50s and low 60s and the snow has melted. It's perfect!



I love hiking 3 miles/3000 feet?



I'm gonna try to keep up on this more. If for no other reason, at least for me.



Will I Be Fit for a Foam 5k?

"The more you push yourself, the harder you go, the further you excel, the closer you are to your own success. There's no easy way out!" -Unknown

I get emails all the time from Active.com informing me of local running events in my area and I saw this one, saw that there's mud and foam and decided I definitely have to do it. It's two months away, there's lots of obstacle courses (and mud) and it's not necessarily a race, so I could do it, right? Right.

I managed to get through a week of school and still go to the gym. Although the first week of school is usually the easiest, once I anticipated the next 7 weeks of summer classes, I regretfully decided to drop one of them. Education is important, but I felt like I was already suffering during the day after staying up until 1am trying to finish my homework and then going to work early the next day, forcing me to take preworkout supplements EVERY day instead of just when I really need it. So one class and I can stay on track.

I'm pretty proud of myself for my weekend success to, as I didn't count the whole weekend as a cheat day. I didn't really eat much, actually. Too busy.

Weekend Breakfast Pita Pocket

I always wanted to make one of those food prep photo grid things, so there you have it. Why, when you eat bell peppers do you taste them for the rest of the day?



Brother, Moi, Dad

 This picture was taken yesterday at my dad's Father's Day dinner. I took this picture with my phone of the screen on my mom's camera. If I didn't do this, I might never see this photo again. That would be terrible..because I like it. Just from eating better and staying consistent at the gym, I feel better, and that might be changing my perception of myself. Does that make sense? Either way, something is working. Slowly, but surely.

"Wake up, Mom!"

I like sleeping in on weekends, but sometimes the dogs have a different agenda. Especially when they decide to start wrestling on top of me as if I'm just a lumpy extension of the bed.

The Heart of the Matter

 "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes I find myself in a situation that sets me back. I get myself too involved in something (or someone) that's counterproductive to my goals and I use that as an excuse to fall off the wagon. Or sometimes, it's not even an excuse, but a matter of happiness or misery if I don't voluntarily jump off the wagon.

So here I am, having jumped off the wagon and trying to put back together the pieces of my broken spirit. It's hard. I don't really use food as a comfort but I do use the blues as an excuse to not have any motivation.

The gym used to be my daily "church." I loved going. I hated going out to dinner, even for my own birthday, because I felt an emptiness when I wasn't able to work out HARD. It wasn't an obsession. I didn't feel like I had to go. I just wanted to SO BAD. It made me feel amazing, no matter how terrible a day I was having. But when I started to become miserable with my life, whether it was my job or my relationship or whatever, that's when working out became a chore.

For now, I am forcing myself to eat right and go to the gym. I drag my feet out the door at the last minute and I find myself half-assing my workout anyway. This is causing the scale not to move. But I'm determined to get passed this. I guess that should have been my first reachable goal.

• To WANT to be healthy - This includes going to the gym, eating right, being motivated, making good choices, etc. etc.

This entry has taken me over a week to write, but I've had a few eye openers lately that have hopefully pushed me closer to where I want to be. First, I went to Disneyland with my family and you know those pictures they take of you making awkward faces in weird places on rides? Well...I look like a WHALE. Even in normal pictures my sister in law took of my trying on Minnie ears I look HUGE!

This is unacceptable.

Dear God!!!

So there's that.

I went out for a girls night in a short dress on Friday and I felt good...until I found a fill length mirror and noticed that my already short, stumpy legs looked like plump corndogs or something. I'm sure I'm harder on myself and I don't look as terrible to other people as I do to myself, but these are things I need to fix. No matter how vain. It's for my health too. I want that confidence. Damnit.

Thank goodness for angles.

Until next time...

Goals • Chaos • Free Advertising

"My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out." - Ronald Reagan

A lot of the time I head into the weekend without a plan or a goal, and just go wherever the wind takes me. I'm ok with that when it comes to the weekend. But setting long term goals for myself is important. I don't have the kind of "care free" personality where I can always float along and end up where I end up. I need to have direction. I need to have motivation. And I want to feel like I've accomplished something by working hard to reach a goal I've set for myself.

That last part is important. Reaching a goal I've set for myself. I am doing this for me. To prove to myself I can do it. To feel good about myself. To improve my health. I don't want to get all sexified so the boys will like me. (Though, who doesn't mind a little positive attention once in awhile).

So I've compiled a list of my own goals, no matter how petty.

• To be healthy - carrying around this extra weight has it's obvious risks, like susceptibility to cardiovascular disease and diabetes.
• To look good in a bikini - I initially wrote "to wear a bikini," but I am physically able to do that. What it looks like though, not so great. Even a one piece is not too great. I want to accept invites to the pool, the lake, the beach, without thinking of what to cover up with.
• To wear single digit jeans - My short term goal, and one which I would be satisfied with is to wear a size 7. I don't care as much about what I weigh and more so on my measurements.
• To reach 140 lbs. - This is what my driver's license says I weigh. I'm shooting for honesty here!
• To run without getting winded - I will not die with any regrets if I never run a marathon. Or even a half marathon. I just want to be able to run a good distance (say, two miles?) without having to stop and catch my breath.
• To have no rolls when I sit down - I've never had this. And I want this.
• To wear shorts - Or maybe short shorts? I want to have great legs! Shorts, skirts, dresses, hooker shoes!! 
•  To pierce my belly button - Because I can.
• To get a tattoo that goes up my side - Also, because I can.
• To do a pull-up - A non-assisted, hanging, pull-up.
• To go clothes shopping and fit in everything I like - Currently, finding jeans is a huge headache. I have a big butt and big thighs. And...a big stomach. So finding the right fit is hard. Some will fit my waist if I could get just get them over my butt. Some I can't even pull past my thighs. And they're all the same size. When I was a size 10, every size 10 fit.
• To make healthy eating a way of life - I hate feeling like I'm being forced to eat grilled chicken and veggies instead of french fries and chicken strips. I want healthy food to be my preference.
• To stop chewing my nails - I know this isn't a fitness goal, but it goes under health. And confidence. I have to wear acrylics to keep me from chewing my nails, but I still chew my cuticles. STOP IT!
• To get my associates degree - I'm a late bloomer when it comes to school. I hate school a lot. But I'm going to finish and get my degree in Business. No matter how long it takes.
• To ride my bicycle to my moms house -  from my house. 15.4 miles. And back. 30.8 miles total.
• Tough mudder - ...TOUGH MUDDER!!!
• To dive with sharks...in Australia -  reef sharks in the Great Barrier Reef to be exact. I should be in good shape for that. I'm totally doing it.
• To kayak in the ocean - in a bikini.
• To wear out the dogs when we go for a run - I wish I had their energy. Sometimes they're MORE hyper when we get back from their walk/run.
• To learn to swing dance - I want to be swung around, picked up and all that. I'll be the best dancer at a wedding, granted there's a fella there that also knows how.

I am going to accomplish most of these things by this time next year. That's what this blog is for. To keep me accountable. To track my progess. And hopefully be somebody's inspiration:)



They have so much damn energy.

OK, here's the free advertising bit. I'm going to vouch for this ready to drink protein shake because the taste is outstanding and it's similar to the Muscle Milk shakes I sometimes get when I plan poorly after the gym, which I usually do.

Monster Energy has come out with these protein shakes and they are delicious! A full can contains 200 calories, 3 grams of fat, 19 grams of carbs, 16 grams of sugars and 25 grams of protein, as well as Monster's energy blend! I know there are better choices with lower calories, sugars and carbs but before or after a work out, these things do the trick!



Starting Slowly...Unintentionally

"Alls I got to do is keep bein' a good person. No matter what, good things'll come my way. Everything's gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart." - Joe Dirt

I'm a week in and I've gone to the gym twice, but I'm on a good meal plan during the week, although my weekend "plan" really sucks. And according to the scale, I gained weight. I contemplated smashing it with the hammer I always carry around in my car, but then decided I'm not going to let myself get down because of what the scale says. It tells lies.

I did kettlebell on my first day back at the gym. According to MyFitnessPal.com, 60 minutes of that burns 906 calories. That seems a bit high so I try not to fulfill my daily calorie allowance based on that. Especially because I find myself taking frequent breaks during this 60 minutes so I don't pass out or throw up. I'm in terrible shape.


In good spirits even after realizing what terrible shape I'm in.

 I got a new bicycle and helmet (safety first!) and rode it about a mile on Monday before I felt like my legs were gonna fall off. Then I forced myself to take the dogs for a walk after that.



 

Two of three dinguses. Usually I do three separate walks, as I don't have one of them well behaved dogs like on TV who don't pull me down the street. Tsunami only pants after a good walk.

 Tuesday I did what felt like a thousand squats, lunges, deadlifts and ran more than I'd like to in an hour, and now I'm walking like a have a stick up my butt. It's almost enough to call for a gym break, but I'll keep on keepin' on.

Word.

The New Version Of Me

“I am old, Gandalf. I don't look it, but I am beginning to feel it in my heart of hearts. Well-preserved indeed! Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can't be right. I need a change, or something.” -Bilbo Baggins

Losing weight is hard.

The toughest part about that statement is that I already did it once.




Me at my heaviest :(

  

I hit a maximum of 218 lbs. before I realized that I had a huge problem with my weight and I had to do something to change it. So I did. With the motivation from my friends, the people at the gym,  and my co-workers, (mostly catty motivation from the co-workers, like temptation with homemade chocolate cake that my competition would bring but refuse to eat) I dropped down to 148 lbs, my lowest weight EVER.



Me at my lightest! :)



Then I got tired. Tired of eating the right things. Tired of working out. Relationships happened and failed and I got depressed. So the weight piled back on...

Can you imagine the disappointment I felt after stepping back on the scale and realizing that I've put on over 50 lbs of FAT in the last two years?? I don't know if I've developed issues from gaining the weight  back so fast, but there are a few things that I've used as reasons/excuses not to work out for over a year. And I would eat whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted.

I used ignore whatever pain or ailment I developed when I had a goal before. At 30 years old it's time to stop making excuses and make the changes that I need to...no...WILL continue for the rest of my life. No more negativity. I will do this for me.

This is the beginning of my journey. To fitness. To transformation (inside and out). To sanity. To lucidy. And it starts today.